How to Speak Dating Like Zoomer: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Words for Love, Sex and Bad Behaviour

The current period signifies a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your choice to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet display.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {